Sunday, 23 November 2008

• Heidi visits Minnesota

  Back in April, I wrote a post about my sister Heidi. She is 42, severely mentally retarded with mild cerebral palsy, and was given up to the foster care system when she was just over a year old. We lived in Seattle at the time, and my parents were told she would never speak or walk or be independent, and would probably not live long. Our family moved out of the state shortly after she was given up, and she still resides there, though the family lost touch with her. I encourage you to read about how it came to be that we are back in touch now, so I don't have to bore those who have already read it here again.
  
  
  I'd been promising her a trip to Minnesota to meet the rest of her family, and intended to do it this past summer. But in June/July both my mom and my aunt died, then Sam's surgery was in August, and moving all three kids back to college in Sept.... life just took things over and I am still not really feeling myself, but Heidi was still waiting. And asking her providers each day if today was the day she gets to go to Minnesota with her sister. I decided that it would need to be a short trip, but I could probably get the most people gathered in one spot to meet her if I brought her here and drove her 'up north' to my dad's home where at least all the men-folk gather for Deer Hunting opener. I was pretty sure I could get the women to attend willingly. I'd be combining this trip for her to meet her family with me spending a bit of solo time in Seattle to spread some of my mom's ashes there.
  
  So, a few weeks ago, I brought Heidi to Minnesota, where most of us live, to meet her family. When I die, this trip will surely be one of the best memories that will be flashing before my eyes. Here is a recap of how it went, broken down by day:
  
  Wednesday:
  My flight was supposed to have been at 5:30 on a Wednesday evening. It was the day after the election, and while en route to the airport I'd been talking to my dad about politics and listening to him rant about 'Kobombie' (that is what he calls Obama, and for the record, doesn't like McCain either. He is sure our country is doomed...). Anyway he was still talking as I drove and found a spot in the airport ramp. I was running a bit behind, but didn't want to have this discussion out loud throughout the airport, so I stayed inside the car, shutting it off, putting my keys away, organizing last minute things in my purse and computer bag while he talked. As we were finishing I was saying goodbye and got out, to walk around to the passenger side to get my purse, computer bag, and suitcase. (Normally my purse comes out with me out the drivers side, right ladies?). Well, I hung up the phone and realized that out of habit, I had locked the car upon exiting, and now my keys, purse, computer bag, suitcase, and airline ticket were all locked inside my car. I swore out loud. In public. I NEVER do that. To keep it shorter, and eliminating the next ridiculous series of events that involved the AAA guys and a family traveling to VietNam that couldn't speak english, lets just conclude with I missed my flight, had to take the next one, and by the time I arrived in Seattle, rented my car, found the hotel and got checked in, it was 3:30am according Minnesota time, and I needed both sleep and an attitude adjustment.
  
  Thursday:
  I slept a bit late, for obvious reasons, and finally got up and got ready. Originally, I had made arrangements to meet a social worker at a Juvenile Detention Center/Orphanage place that my siblings and I had been 'guests of' when we were little. I had researched it, found the name and address, and wanted to get a copy of my file, so I could know how old I was when I was there, how long I was there etc. They were really nice, but couldn't give me that info over the phone, so my plan was to meet with this woman while there and view my file. Turns out she needed to reschedule for Friday morning instead now, so I had the rest of Thursday to wander a little and drive around and look for neighborhoods in the Tacoma area that we may have lived in. I was in a one of those fogs where you don't quite feel like you have fully woken up for the day yet, and it was raining, so ended up falling asleep really really early, which I needed.
  
  Friday:
  Got up early, checked out of my hotel and drove back south to Tacoma to meet with the social worker. I got a bit lost, and was late for our appointment, but she had been stuck with a client anyway, so it worked out fine. She was really nice, and actually gave me a copy of the file. Turns out I was 7 at the time I stayed there. There is no record of when we were released so we don't know for sure. My dad cant remember, it was a really tough time in his life, but he thinks we might have only been there a few weeks. Both my older brother and sister, however, think we lived there maybe a few months. I have no idea. Before I was done with her, she gave me instructions on how to get to the building I would have been at. I followed them, and when I drove around a street and it came into view, I recognized it. I didn't expect to really, and I didn't expect looking at it to elicit any emotions, but I got choked up and teary. But not for long, because now I had to hurry to drive to Heidi's home north of Seattle. She was soooo happy to see me, and we got her ready and checked over her suitcase and made our way to the airport. Heidi has a really happy demeanor, and is very talkative, though it's hard to understand her. And she has the mentality of a 2 or 3 year old. She made sure each and every person she saw at the airport, car rental return place, and on the airplane that she was going to Minnesota with her sister for a party, and that they were all invited and would they please come? It was so cute. Was pretty late by the time we got to my home finally, and she slept very soundly.
  
  
  
  Saturday:
  After helping her shower and getting her breakfast, we started the 2.5 hour drive to my dads home, stopping along the way to pick up my youngest brother first (yes, the one who is usually homeless, but for now is staying in a Boarding House). We arrived at my dad's and he was waiting really nervously out on his deck. He had invited many of his siblings over, I think for moral support for himself, and I can't blame him. For so many years he has felt unsettled about this, and now he was going to meet her again for the first time since she was a baby. I'd been sending her photos of all of us for years, so she already knew which one 'daddy' was! All in all there were about 30 - 35 people there for her to meet. I had told her all along that we were having a party for her, and had arranged for balloons and cake, and of course food (God Bless sister-in-law's on that one), to be there for her to add to the festive feel, but she just couldn't wrap her head around a 'party' without it being a 'birthday party'. So, we made it a birthday party for her, but she expected presents. We hadn't had any arranged, and it was so touching when my aunts and others were digging thru their purses for anything Heidi would consider and love as a present. They came up with a folding hairbrush that had a mirror on one side, a few costume-jewelry pins, a necklace, a pen and pad of paper... She was thrilled and excited for all of them! She wasn't shy AT ALL and just inserted herself in the midst of her family. She met her dad, her aunts and uncles (some of whom remembered her when she was a baby) and she met cousins, neices, nephews, and her 2 brothers. She was able to also speak to her two other sisters on the phone, as they could not make it. Everyone was so patient and kind to her, and really happy to see her. She had a wonderful day!!!! I took a million photos, and then drove her back down to the cities to my home that night so she didn't have to have so much commotion around her for so long. Again, she slept really well.
  
  Sunday:
  After helping her shower and breakfast again, and packing up to go back to Seattle, we went shopping. I told her she could pick out whatever she wanted as my gift to her. She choose a new outfit for her 'baby' (which is a doll I bought for her several years ago, and she that she carries everywhere with her. The dolls name is Kirsten, and she came with Heidi to Minnesota. She talks to her, and nurtures her, it is quite sweet), and she also chose some crayons and coloring books, which were nice on the airplane. We had the photos printed that I had taken while we were shopping and I bought a photo book to put them in. We started the drive to the airport and I sort of got lost in my own thoughts for a bit and wasn't talking much, but Heidi kept saying that 'You will miss me'. I looked over at one point and wondered if she was crying. I couldn't tell at first, because her face isn't arranged quite typical, and her mouth is sort of in a twisted manner, but then I saw a tear. She also started having dry, gagging heaves. I wasn't sure from what she was saying if she was sad to be leaving, or if she missed her home in Seattle, or both. (I would later learn from her caregiver that is Heidi's typical reaction to stress and that she was probably feeling a good bit of both emotions). I held her hand and kept talking to her, but she continued gagging and feeling stressed throughout the flight back. It was late when we finally got to the airport, rented a car, and drove another hour north to her home. She was really really happy to see her caregivers, and I stayed and visited a while until I felt she needed more space and quiet. Drove to a nearby hotel and checked in and collapsed, but was happy.
  
  Monday:
  After getting up and checking out, I allowed myself a bit of time to drive around and see the city before leaving back to the airport, as it was the first sunny day out of all of them so far. I drove over to West Seattle, which is where you can get the best view of the city itself. Had a cup of clam chowder at a place on the water while I watched a pair of sea lions playing in the sound, and just sat and pondered the events that just happened.
  
  

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