Back in April, I wrote a post about my sister Heidi. She is 42, severely mentally retarded with mild cerebral palsy, and was given up to the foster care system when she was just over a year old. We lived in Seattle at the time, and my parents were told she would never speak or walk or be independent, and would probably not live long. Our family moved out of the state shortly after she was given up, and she still resides there, though the family lost touch with her. I encourage you to read about how it came to be that we are back in touch now, so I don't have to bore those who have already read it here again.


I'd been promising her a trip to Minnesota to meet the rest of her family, and intended to do it this past summer. But in June/July both my mom and my aunt died, then Sam's surgery was in August, and moving all three kids back to college in Sept.... life just took things over and I am still not really feeling myself, but Heidi was still waiting. And asking her providers each day if today was the day she gets to go to Minnesota with her sister. I decided that it would need to be a short trip, but I could probably get the most people gathered in one spot to meet her if I brought her here and drove her 'up north' to my dad's home where at least all the men-folk gather for Deer Hunting opener. I was pretty sure I could get the women to attend willingly. I'd be combining this trip for her to meet her family with me spending a bit of solo time in Seattle to spread some of my mom's ashes there.

So, a few weeks ago, I brought Heidi to Minnesota, where most of us live, to meet her family. When I die, this trip will surely be one of the best memories that will be flashing before my eyes. Here is a recap of how it went, broken down by day:

Wednesday:
My flight was supposed to have been at 5:30 on a Wednesday evening. It was the day after the election, and while en route to the airport I'd been talking to my dad about politics and listening to him rant about 'Kobombie' (that is what he calls Obama, and for the record, doesn't like McCain either. He is sure our country is doomed...). Anyway he was still talking as I drove and found a spot in the airport ramp. I was running a bit behind, but didn't want to have this discussion out loud throughout the airport, so I stayed inside the car, shutting it off, putting my keys away, organizing last minute things in my purse and computer bag while he talked. As we were finishing I was saying goodbye and got out, to walk around to the passenger side to get my purse, computer bag, and suitcase. (Normally my purse comes out with me out the drivers side, right ladies?). Well, I hung up the phone and realized that out of habit, I had locked the car upon exiting, and now my keys, purse, computer bag, suitcase, and airline ticket were all locked inside my car. I swore out loud. In public. I NEVER do that. To keep it shorter, and eliminating the next ridiculous series of events that involved the AAA guys and a family traveling to VietNam that couldn't speak english, lets just conclude with I missed my flight, had to take the next one, and by the time I arrived in Seattle, rented my car, found the hotel and got checked in, it was 3:30am according Minnesota time, and I needed both sleep and an attitude adjustment.

Thursday:
I slept a bit late, for obvious reasons, and finally got up and got ready. Originally, I had made arrangements to meet a social worker at a Juvenile Detention Center/Orphanage place that my siblings and I had been 'guests of' when we were little. I had researched it, found the name and address, and wanted to get a copy of my file, so I could know how old I was when I was there, how long I was there etc. They were really nice, but couldn't give me that info over the phone, so my plan was to meet with this woman while there and view my file. Turns out she needed to reschedule for Friday morning instead now, so I had the rest of Thursday to wander a little and drive around and look for neighborhoods in the Tacoma area that we may have lived in. I was in a one of those fogs where you don't quite feel like you have fully woken up for the day yet, and it was raining, so ended up falling asleep really really early, which I needed.

Friday:
Got up early, checked out of my hotel and drove back south to Tacoma to meet with the social worker. I got a bit lost, and was late for our appointment, but she had been stuck with a client anyway, so it worked out fine. She was really nice, and actually gave me a copy of the file. Turns out I was 7 at the time I stayed there. There is no record of when we were released so we don't know for sure. My dad cant remember, it was a really tough time in his life, but he thinks we might have only been there a few weeks. Both my older brother and sister, however, think we lived there maybe a few months. I have no idea. Before I was done with her, she gave me instructions on how to get to the building I would have been at. I followed them, and when I drove around a street and it came into view, I recognized it. I didn't expect to really, and I didn't expect looking at it to elicit any emotions, but I got choked up and teary. But not for long, because now I had to hurry to drive to Heidi's home north of Seattle. She was soooo happy to see me, and we got her ready and checked over her suitcase and made our way to the airport. Heidi has a really happy demeanor, and is very talkative, though it's hard to understand her. And she has the mentality of a 2 or 3 year old. She made sure each and every person she saw at the airport, car rental return place, and on the airplane that she was going to Minnesota with her sister for a party, and that they were all invited and would they please come? It was so cute. Was pretty late by the time we got to my home finally, and she slept very soundly.



Saturday:
After helping her shower and getting her breakfast, we started the 2.5 hour drive to my dads home, stopping along the way to pick up my youngest brother first (yes, the one who is usually homeless, but for now is staying in a Boarding House). We arrived at my dad's and he was waiting really nervously out on his deck. He had invited many of his siblings over, I think for moral support for himself, and I can't blame him. For so many years he has felt unsettled about this, and now he was going to meet her again for the first time since she was a baby. I'd been sending her photos of all of us for years, so she already knew which one 'daddy' was! All in all there were about 30 - 35 people there for her to meet. I had told her all along that we were having a party for her, and had arranged for balloons and cake, and of course food (God Bless sister-in-law's on that one), to be there for her to add to the festive feel, but she just couldn't wrap her head around a 'party' without it being a 'birthday party'. So, we made it a birthday party for her, but she expected presents. We hadn't had any arranged, and it was so touching when my aunts and others were digging thru their purses for anything Heidi would consider and love as a present. They came up with a folding hairbrush that had a mirror on one side, a few costume-jewelry pins, a necklace, a pen and pad of paper... She was thrilled and excited for all of them! She wasn't shy AT ALL and just inserted herself in the midst of her family. She met her dad, her aunts and uncles (some of whom remembered her when she was a baby) and she met cousins, neices, nephews, and her 2 brothers. She was able to also speak to her two other sisters on the phone, as they could not make it. Everyone was so patient and kind to her, and really happy to see her. She had a wonderful day!!!! I took a million photos, and then drove her back down to the cities to my home that night so she didn't have to have so much commotion around her for so long. Again, she slept really well.

Sunday:
After helping her shower and breakfast again, and packing up to go back to Seattle, we went shopping. I told her she could pick out whatever she wanted as my gift to her. She choose a new outfit for her 'baby' (which is a doll I bought for her several years ago, and she that she carries everywhere with her. The dolls name is Kirsten, and she came with Heidi to Minnesota. She talks to her, and nurtures her, it is quite sweet), and she also chose some crayons and coloring books, which were nice on the airplane. We had the photos printed that I had taken while we were shopping and I bought a photo book to put them in. We started the drive to the airport and I sort of got lost in my own thoughts for a bit and wasn't talking much, but Heidi kept saying that 'You will miss me'. I looked over at one point and wondered if she was crying. I couldn't tell at first, because her face isn't arranged quite typical, and her mouth is sort of in a twisted manner, but then I saw a tear. She also started having dry, gagging heaves. I wasn't sure from what she was saying if she was sad to be leaving, or if she missed her home in Seattle, or both. (I would later learn from her caregiver that is Heidi's typical reaction to stress and that she was probably feeling a good bit of both emotions). I held her hand and kept talking to her, but she continued gagging and feeling stressed throughout the flight back. It was late when we finally got to the airport, rented a car, and drove another hour north to her home. She was really really happy to see her caregivers, and I stayed and visited a while until I felt she needed more space and quiet. Drove to a nearby hotel and checked in and collapsed, but was happy.

Monday:
After getting up and checking out, I allowed myself a bit of time to drive around and see the city before leaving back to the airport, as it was the first sunny day out of all of them so far. I drove over to West Seattle, which is where you can get the best view of the city itself. Had a cup of clam chowder at a place on the water while I watched a pair of sea lions playing in the sound, and just sat and pondered the events that just happened.

I love information. I collect it. Information about anything and everything. I sincerely love to learn about new subjects, new people, master new skills. My biggest roadblock is this: I am inherently and pathetically unorganized. Here are some examples of what I mean:

♦I am a nut about bookmarking sites I enjoy and subscribing to blogs and sites I want to keep up with, but my Google Reader and Bloglines are so full right now that I will NEVER realistically read it all. I need to just take a deep breath, press the "CLEAR ALL" button and try to pretend that it doesn't feel like I just cut my left arm off. Again.

♦And I'm a file/article hoarder. I save folders and folders worth of files that I want to keep. But I can never remember where I saved them. My file/folder naming system certainly makes sense when I am creating it, just not a few months later.

♦In addition to that I have a folder on my desktop, in plain view, labeled "READ OVER WHEN YOU HAVE TIME". It currently contains over 200 articles/websites that I still have not had time for.

♦I am guilty of 'out of site, out of mind' quite often. If something isn't staring me in the face, I will tend to forget about it. I don't mean to, I just am distracted by the other things that ARE staring me in the face. So, I am one of those really annoying people who has to have post-it notes all over to remind me of things.

♦And finally, I am a list person. I need to see a visual of the things I need to accomplish. Each item on the list must have a nice square box in front of it, ready for me to check off in victory when I accomplish it. I think the visual task list is helpful, but I also think the process of getting a thought out of my head, down my arm and out on to the paper simply helps it drill deeper into my sense of what I need to do.

Can anyone out there relate to this?

Today, in my efforts to look for something (that I still have not located, dang it) I came across the following list. I had intended to post it way back around the new year, lol. I'm a bit late, but really, these tips are applicable anytime at all. It's probably best this way anyway, because if they had been my New Years Resolutions, I would have had to humbly admit right around February that I was falling short in many of them. I cannot take credit for writing the list, it was just one of those articles I saved at one point, so please, if you wrote it, feel free to take credit where it is due.


39 Tips for Better Life - 2008

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to __________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to practice meditation, and prayer.
They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food
that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild
Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new
and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the
past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest
your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum t hat appear and fade
away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a
lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a
college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17.. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years,
will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following
statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished
_________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you
certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through
life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

May your troubles be less, May your blessings be more, May nothing
but happiness come through your door!

I got up this morning feeling pretty refeshed and surprisingly upbeat. For the last few weeks I've been sort of spinning in circles, not able to really finish even simple tasks. But this morning, the sun was shining, and things just seemed more normal. I started in on cleaning bathrooms, laundry, dusting, scrubbing floors. Each new clean room lifted my spirits a little higher and seemed to bring a bit of order back to my world. I felt good enough to blog about a memorable experience I had while en route to Colorado last week, before I forget it.

Before leaving for Colorado, I had stayed up straight, without sleeping, for about 30 hours. I was dealing with my mom's funeral a few days prior, and was overwhelmed with things to do, emotions that were unpredictable, and insomnia. I was looking forward to sleeping for a few hours on the airplane, and was sure my companion, (my nephew, who's mom had also died the week before), would understand if I were to sleep. Turns out, he was not even assigned a seat in my row, and the flight was packed. Plan was, I'd sit down, stow my purse neatly under my seat, turn off my phone, and snooze. Instead, I sat in down in my middle seat, next to a lovely woman who was next to the window. She was in her 50's, and had beautiful shoulder length gray hair that was mixed with both white, and some blonde from her early days. One of those women who looks like she is probably a 'mature' model or something. She smiled and said hello, and we began chatting. Small talk at first. You know, the standard "So are you from here and leaving, or were you visiting here and now are going home" sort of thing. She was on a layover stop in Minneapolis, but her flight to Denver had originated in Iowa. Despite my fatigue, there was something so easy and warm about her, and I instantly wanted to know her better. Have you ever had that happen? An instant connection with someone?

She told me of her travel plans. Every year or so, beginning when they turned 40, a group of 7 girls, who all went thru high school together, would get together and all meet somewhere. They'd leave kids/husbands/parents/jobs all behind and come together in fellowship with one another. Sometimes it was Oregon, another time it was a house they rented on a lake near their old high school stomping grounds, sometimes other places, and now this time it would be in Denver. In high school, all of the girls got together, usually at one particular girls house, and play the board game Tripoli while they giggled and solved the worlds problems. One of the parents dubbed them 'The Tripoli Gang', and they are the same group that still meet today. They lost touch for the most part for the segment of life after high school. Each was caught up in college, marraiges, children, careers. There was one girl who was sort of the center hub, with all the other girls being the spokes of the wheel. Each would learn of the other spokes whereabouts thru contact with the hub, though not many of them actually really spoke to the others. Then, as they neared 40, the hub decided it was time for a Tripoli Gang reunion. They've been meeting ever since. She shared many of the emotions surrounding their visits and some of the shenannigans they got into. We both shared stories about the issues surrounding aging. She agreed with my thoughts that although this process of aging is mildly annoying, it's also fascinating! We shared stories of loss; the loss of those here that we love, and the loss over her not ever having been able to have had children.

Soon the flight was over, and I still had not slept. We talked the whole entire time. My apolgies to those who probably had to endure all the estrogen laced in our conversations, but it was very comforting and healing to me. As we were unbuckling to get up, we both suddenly got a bit awkward at the realization that we would probably never see each other again, and hadn't even learned each others names. I told her I am Robyn, and she shared that her name is Karen. I wish I'd gotten her card or number or something. Earlier in our conversation, I had suggested to her to begin a blog about the adventures of the Tripoli Gang. I'd have been interested in reading about it.

I finally got to sleep about 9 hours later. My husband took the photo above the next day in a state park during a hike we took, after I slept a solid 7 hours! We had combined hiking and a family 50th anniversary party in a state park near Castle Rock, CO. Was fun, but glad to be home.

Later today, the mood changed, as our family now faces another challenge, but I'll save that for another post.

A friend of mine, Mmmm, (I've never actually seen him list his name on his site, so I will honor that here as well), tagged me on this same list of questions he posted on his site. I was honored, and began looking at some of the other people he had tagged. One blogger had this type of list-of-questions labeled as 'meme'. Hmm... note to self: look that up and see what that even means. How can I be a real blogger if I can't speak the language. Was happy to learn it's meaning. I've never done one of these, and have no expectations of those I've tagged to 'keep it going'.
Here goes:


What was I doing 10 years ago?
Was just beginning my return to the 'outside' world after having run a very successful daycare business in my home for the previous 10 years, and my house was ripped up during a fairly large remodel.

Five Snacks I enjoy:
1. cookies
2. Coffee flavoured Ice Cream, or my favorite ice cream nirvana is Ben&Jerry's Phish Food (ladies, this is PMS heaven. Ignore the fact that it says 4 servings on the container. This is event eating, to be consumed in one sitting)
3. Smooth Peanut Butter, skip the bread, just give me a spoon
4. popcorn and candy are a toss up (Hot Tamales are my favorite)
5. almonds or other nuts

Five Things On My To-Do List Today:
This is an odd time for me, as we just had a tragic and sudden death in our family a few days ago, so here it is:
1. confirm funeral times
2. airline arrangements for guests
3. laundry
4. call an aunt and talk her thru, keystroke by keystroke, how to change her homepage in Windows
5. Finish populating content on the site I am currently working on.

***#'s 1 and 2 were successful, but the laundry will be on hold, because the dryer is taking a vacation from functioning, talking my aunt thru that task took 1 1/2 hours!!!!, and #5 in still in progress......***

Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire:
1. Pay off our debts and mortgage
2. Pay off all my families' and close friends' debts including mortgages
3. Pay off the kids college loans
4. TRAVEL. I want to see the world and learn more about each place's culture, architecture, history, customs. I would start with the Holy Land and Mediterranean, and then Machu Picchu , and Europe after that. Trips to Africa and South America would have to be included as well. I would want family involved in as much of this travel as possible, yet if there were places my husband or kids were not interested in, I wouldn't have any hesitation about going solo. (With their blessing only, of course)
5. I would donate money to an existing, or new start-up drug/alchohol/mental illness program for the most broken of the broken.
6. I would donate money to homeless shelters.
7. I would sponsor individual children, or even whole villages in the poorest areas of the world, and help them get education and learn self-sufficiency.
8. My husband has talked about wanting to go on a Castle Tour - he wants to see as many castles in the world as possible. I'd fund it and go along! Castles we've seen so far = 0!
9. I would set aside $ for education for me, and continue to take classes and learn about everything I want to learn, for the rest of my life.
10. .... I'm running out of ideas, which is probably OK, because with what I've listed above, surely I'm out of money by now.

Five Jobs I Have Had:
1. Dairy Queen (my first job, I was 14 years old, and have been working ever since!)
2. Receptionist, Ethan Allen Interiors
3. Home Childcare Business (12 kids/12 hours-per-day/10 years = It was a BLAST!!!)
4. Operations & General Manager (home/office furnishings company)
5. Website Designer

Five of My Bad Habits:
1. Spending too much time on the computer!
2. Procrastination
3. Not sleeping enough
4. I drink too much coffee. I think that could be related to #3.
5. I organize paperwork into nice neat looking piles, and let them get out of hand before I deal with them :(

Five Places I've Lived:
1. Seattle
2. California
3. North Dakota
4. Kansas City, KS (for about 10 minutes. Ok, 5 months)
5. Minneapolis, MN and surrounding suburbs

5 People I Want To Get To Know Better (yep, you're tagged!)
(This one was hard for me. I assume I am supposed to list on-line people, since I am to tag them? 5 was just too hard, bear with me....)
- Steamed Sponge
- Joel Postman of Socialized PR
- David J Hinson
- My friends at Spock.com (NOTHING to do with StarTrek!) who have been so kind to me and have offered great advice: Andrey Golub, Idan Gafni, Mike Cadogan, Carlo Branca, Pierre.... and more....
- Almost everyone on Steamed Sponges Blogroll. Really, such a varied and interesting group!

Five Random Things (most people wouldn't know about me):
1. I am short, only 5'2"
2. I'm not half as extroverted as I wish I was
3. I was born in Fargo, ND
4. I love texture
5. I am afraid of the dark. And basements.

Ok, this was harder than I thought it would be. I'll probably have to come back and edit a million typos later, but right now, I'm off to church.

My brother is a meth addict. Or a recovering-meth-addict-wanna-be. I've blogged about him here in the past, ( 4/16/07, 2/28/06 and on 2/9/06), and it looks like he is going back underground again. Dang!!!!

His name is Jeff, and he is 36 years old. Last time I blogged about him, he was in a court-ordered treatment program after being released from prison. He actually did great in treatment at first. He always does well at first, when there is heavy structure, and someone else makes all of his choices for him. Once he begins to 'earn' freedom with his good behavior, that's when he starts to fall apart. He celebrated his graduation from the treatment program by going to celebrate at a local bar and getting drunk. After all, he figures, meth is his drug of choice, and he was not doing meth, he was 'only drinking'. Grrrrrr.

That was last April. He's been drifting since then, and was homeless for most of this past summer and fall. Then, once more, for the 9th year in a row, found himself homeless over the winter. Minnesota had a very hard winter this year, and he suffered from frostbite several times. Sleeping in the woods isn't even safe when it's below zero. Sometimes he would sleep at a 'friends' house, or in a doorway or business stairwell. At Christmas, I was able to find him and had him come to our family Christmas celebration. It's the first Christmas in many years I can remember him being a part of. I gave him a large box of gloves, facemasks, hats, thermal underlayers, a coat, sweatshirt, boots, wool socks, paper, a pocket bible, pencils, pocket-sized food items, phone-calling cards..... Then he slipped away again, and I lost contact until a few months ago, in late February, he was placed in something called Adult Foster Care in the city he lives in, about an hour away from me. Apparently it is much cheaper for the state to place someone like him there, than it is to house them in jails or prison. Seemed to be a fairly good situation for him, given the alternative. He was happy to be out of the cold, to have a warm roof over his head, a bed to sleep in every night, an address, running water, a place to bathe, food provided each day, a Home Base basically. They even gave him a key to the house and he felt so good that someone trusted him with that. Of course, in exchange, there were rules to be followed. He had to agree to be evaluated and to take his medications on time and regularly. In order to be certain this happened, his meds would be administered to him. He had to agree to take random Urinary Analysis tests. He had to agree to look for work, and to be at meals at certain times, do his part in keeping his area clean in the house. He had to be home or check in via phone by certain times each night. The people who run this home are trained in social work, and would set up the necessary appointments he would need for mental, dental, and physical health, and provide the transportation to it. He just needed to agree to go and not miss the appointments. Things started out well...

Fast forward to Mother's Day, a few weeks ago. My family and I picked him up on the way to visit my mom in a nursing home. As he approached the car, I could see he was gaunt, scruffy looking, limping, and had open sores on his face. I knew. I just knew. I asked him about his sores, and he told me he was suffering from anxiety. No doubt.
The visit with our mom went well though, and we dropped him back off at the foster care home in time for dinner.

Today, I called his foster home again on my way to see my mom, to see if he'd like to come with me. The woman who runs the home said he hasn't been there for almost a week, and has not taken his medication. She said for the last several weeks he's had new clothes on a regular basis. Name brand items. He does not work or have any legal source of income. He's had a change in attitude, humility is gone. Almost strutting. Shady people have been coming to her door looking for him. I needed confirmation, so I asked her if she suspected he was using meth. She confirmed that was what her conclusion was as well. Apparently he told her that he has been with ME for the last week and to not worry because I WAS TAKING CARE OF HIM. Not so, I've been out of town at a wedding. He promised her he would be there at 4:00 today to talk with her, and redeem himself and review the 'rules' of living there. He didn't show. I am not surprised. Now it's getting nicer outside, and being homeless won't seem so bad. He's gone again. Meth is such a cruel drug....... Wonder how long till the next jail or prison stint, or hospital call...